Go now, and live.

Seven and a half years of waiting and wishing is coming to a close in just weeks. It’s been an uphill battle from the word go. I dreamed of being a mommy, Shawn needed to be a dad. A painful chapter that lasted several years included multiple heartbreaking miscarriages and countless medical procedures.

We were left broken, battered and exhausted….trying to put a round peg into a square hole….meant for a different path. Hard to accept, and a difficult chapter to close. Not realizing that these dark days were getting us ready to be the parents God needed us to be.

Just days after a lonely Christmas in 2004, we threw in the towel on having a biological child, I was done, it was time to move on. The decision was made to pursue adoption from China and immediately I started to perk up and feel God’s hand on my life again, though I know now he had never left, and in fact, guided us to this new path.

We jumped through numerous hoops, produced mounds of paperwork, opened our home to a social worker barely out of school to judge whether we were fit to be parents. Bring it on. I had a new surge of energy and was made of steel after all the battles in my life.

Eighteen long months later, Leah was placed in my arms in May of 2006. What an amazing child she is! We are absolutely crazy about her. I humbly thank God every single day for allowing us to be her forever family.



When we started the process to adopt again in October 2006, a year before Kate was born; the wait times were climbing fast. For several years, I had been promoting adoption at educational seminars which gave me the chance to learn about the waiting child program which included special needs orphans, China’s ultimate underdogs. These children needs referred would be considered relatively minor issues in the United States, but not so there, so we opened our hearts to consider a child with a special need.

In October of 2007, the same week Kate was born, we submitted our medical checklist to our agency. We were told 8-10 months until a referral from that point, but waited another 17 months. It seemed endless at times and I did have moments when I felt like it wasn’t meant to be.

Then I saw her photo for the first time.




Oh my. Her soulful eyes and beautiful smile has captured my heart and wrung it dry. But God was clearly asking us to step up to the plate and stretch ourselves again, to risk, to have faith. Kate has a visible special need, missing most of her fingers on her right hand and a few on her left.

I’ve had a top doctor recently tell me that she was a reject, that she should have been left in a field to die, to not pursue this adoption. The horror of his statements gave me extra strength that I needed to take on this new challenge.

More than ever, the adversity, the darkness and the light, Shawn and I have had in our lives makes us the perfect parents to raise her. I have peace. Yes, this precious little girl does have a noticable need, but I absolutely refuse to let it define who she is, because she is so much more than that.

She will face harsh adversity and climb mountains daily, but I know she also will show more courage and determination than anyone I’ve ever met. She is going to touch lives, and not just a few, many. She will inspire, she will teach compassion, she will do something amazing for this world.

Just wait and see.